You're Two!

Dearest Lucas,

This morning, I asked you, "what day is today?" and you replied, "it's my birthday!!!".  You replied that way because I taught you what to say when I ask that question.  In the years to come, you will know when it's your birthday.  I won't have to remind you and teach you to say "it's my birthday!".  You'll just know it. You'll know it's your big day and it's special to you.

You will await for it every year. You will be counting down as you get closer to it. You may even take advantage of the day to ask for something that you've always wanted. I hope you won't demand too much.

It's been another amazing year for me and you dad. You've only turned two, but in the last 12 months your dad and I feel that you've matured so much. Unlike your first year, we no longer assume what you need or how you feel, because you now tell us. You can communicate very well now and say things very clearly.  I like that so much about you, son. I like that you started speaking early and that you pay attention to what we teach you. I like that you are very curious and observant and that you like following what we say and do. I think this is what helped speed up your learning.

Some people think you are a smart boy.  I do too! And I hope that you'll grow up smart and that you'll work hard to learn things. One of the things I learned in this life is that you can't rely on wisdom alone. You have to learn how to translate your wisdom into something tangible that you can take credit for. Only then can you make a difference.  It's going to be a lot of work, but don't worry, Lucas. Your dad and I will guide you through it. For now, just continue exploring and learning as you go, just as you learned shapes and colors, the alphabet and numbers, and songs and rhymes in your second year.

Also in the last 12 months, you've given us a hint of the type of person that you are. I think you are a go-getter. You try so hard to get what you want (yet maybe all babies your age are like that). When we started weaning you off your pacifier, you cooperated with us. But you knew that your babysitter would let you have your binky during nap time when we were not around. So you pretended to be sleepy all the time so you can have it. You'd rush back to your bed after you say "bye-bye" to us as we leave for work in the morning, just so you can have your binky. As a result, we had to wean both you and your nanny!

You love being outside, even when it's cold. When you're not in a good mood, we'd simply take you outside to watch the birds and the cars go by, and you'll be fine.  Now, you can name most of the common car brands just by looking at their logo. You enjoy going to the park, the beach and even our backyard.  You love going to your swim class. You are my little jetsetter.  Before you turned two, you've been in 12 flights and several long drives.  Surprisingly, you behave so well when traveling.  One time, a lady seated in front of us at a plane said she didn't even realize there was a baby behind her until we were waiting for our turn to deplane. Thank you, baby, for that. Thank you for not giving me a hard time.

People said you're going to be terrible at two.  Well, you have been terrible sometimes. You sometimes get so clingy and you'll cry and cry and not tell us what you want. The second time we weaned you off your pacifier, so gave us such a difficult time. You would wake up in the middle of the night and just cry your lungs out. You've been naughty, you've thrown away things and food. You've slapped me and kicked me and pulled my hair. And we've tried on you every kind of punishment that we can think of--spanking on your butt, leg, hands and mouth, pinching, and quiet corner.  Some of these don't work for you anymore.  Remember, my son, that we never ever want to hurt you. We just can't let you be at times. You have to know when things aren't acceptable anymore because we want you to grow up knowing right from wrong.  So if there is any way we can work this out so we won't ever have to hit you, let's do it. Know that we try so hard not to hit you.

So what's next for you, Lucas? I can think of two things right now--potty training and pre-school. I think potty training is going to be challenging because you are too comfortable with your diapers on. In fact, sometimes you won't let us change you even when you're diaper is full. I think you will love pre-school, but the challenge is for your dad and I to find the right school for you. I think you'll spend many more exciting days with your cousins, and you'll start making memories with them. We will travel and see places together. And maybe, hopefully, you'll finally step foot in the Philippines and perhaps even celebrate your third birthday there.

Lucas, anak, we have so much to thank God for.  First and foremost, for keeping you safe and healthy this past two years, for keeping your dad and I safe so we may take care of you. I thank God that we found a wonderful and caring nanny who can watch you while your dad and I find a living. Without her, I would not have the flexibility to travel, to pursue a career and chase after some dreams. I thank God for giving us the opportunity to spend some time with Mamu (Lola) and Papi (Lolo) again. They are so fond of you, cousin Nathan and cousin Zach. They must miss you so much right now. Finally, I thank God for you, Lucas--you who have given us so much joy in our hearts and life in our home.

As I helped you blow the two candles on your birthday cake today, I silently made a wish for you--that you will continue to grow up beautifully and that you'll grow up knowing of our tremendous love for you. Happy Birthday, dear Lucas!  I love you so, so much!

Mommy

23 going 24

In a few days, Lucas will turn 2 years old.  Wow--I still find it hard to believe that I now have a toddler. Although I have to deal with his being a toddler every single day.

Charles and I felt that Lucas has probably grown intellectually and psychologically more in the last two months than ever before.  It's like he matured all of a sudden--almost overnight.

He explores a lot, but he seems to know what he wants. 
He is tired of his toys and prefers to play with mommy and daddy's things.
He clings to mommy more than anybody else.
He met a new cousin, Zachary.
For the first time, he traveled alone with mommy--to Chicago and Missouri to meet cousin Zach.
He's a good traveler. He behaves well on the plane, eats, sleeps and just watches his movies.  The lady in front of me said she didn't even know there was a baby on her back seat until we were about to deplane.
His communication is getting better and better everyday.
He has learned how to make "sumbong", like when cousin Nathan punches or pushes him or when cousin grabs his toys or things.
He knows how to trick us into getting what he wants, although he isn't always successful.
He lies on the floor and cries when he wants something and doesn't get it.
He got to use his binky (pacifier) again with the help of Grandma Nena (his nanny), who often lets him have his way.
We weaned him off the binky again, and this time we are committed to really getting rid of it (we need to keep it away from Grandma Nena too).
He has learned to say "Oh no!" and "Oh my goodness!"
Still loves Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  I think he'll go bananas when we take him to Disneyland.
He can now count 1-12 on his own.
He has memorized his bedtime prayer.

He is a good kid.  Sometimes hard-headed, but aren't they all?  I couldn't ask for a better kid. He brings us so much joy and energy even after a long, hard day at work.  He now freely says "I love you, Mama" which melts my heart everytime. 

As he turns two in a few days, I cannot help but be proud--proud of what Lucas has become and proud of what I have accomplished so far as a parent.  It wasn't easy and I know it will only get harder, but at the end of the day I look at Lucas and I will always have something to smile about. And this is what matters to me the most.

Celebrating 22

(Warning to readers:  Really long post)  

My dearest Talonglong,

Today, you turn 22 months old and here I am again writing you another letter.  Don't you think this is a great idea?  I used to just document your progress in Facebook and bullet them out here in my blog.  But inspired by your Tita Jopie's letters to your Cousin Benjamin, I thought, "why not do the same?". 

I think it's a good idea to do this so that someday--when you're old enough, you can read through my thoughts and realize how I feel about you and how important you are to me.  Who knows how much longer I'll live?  I certainly want to live long enough to be with you as you get older.  But only God can really tell.  So in the event that I don't live long enough to see you grow and be a man, have your own family and your own kids, I want you to have more of me through these letters.  And I hope that maybe you'll even let me guide you as you journey through life, even if I'm not physically there.

At 21 months old, you have already made me and your dad very proud of what you have accomplished so far. You are a smart little boy who can now effectively communicate to us in ways that still surprise us up to this day.  Your dad used to say that we shouldn't plan on taking you back to the Philippines or other places far until you are 2-3 years old and able to say what you need, ask questions, respond to us or tell us if you are not feeling fine.  Well, you're not even 2 yet but you can now do all these things and more.  You even stop me when you see me biting or chipping my nails, which is a really bad habit that until now I am still unable to overcome.  You say "Stop mommy! Do not kuan nails!"  It's funny how we're like swapping roles on those little moments.  Needless to say, I think you are ready to come with us and see places when there is an opportunity. I'll remind your dad of that.

Many times you surprise us by naming things that we didn't even think you'd recognize or calling out people we didn't know you'd remember.  Like this one day, I came home with a new phone and you said "iPhone!" when I haven't even told you what phone it is.  And while looking at some photos in the computer, you yelled "Spiderman!" pointing to a photo of Cousin Benjamin's birthday cake with a Spiderman cake-topper.  I think it was 5 months ago when you last saw Spiderman.  I am so happy that you didn't forget. But what I am happier about is that you really know how to organize your thoughts now and express them.  Earlier today, Grandma Nana told you to come with her to Stockton this weekend and that you should tell mommy and daddy that you want to come with her.  Well, you responded to her "wa taw balay!"  You cracked her up, and of course us too when we learned about it.

This month you got more and more comfortable with numbers.  You can identify the numbers on your number cards and when you're in doubt, you know that you can count the objects on the card to determine what number you are looking at.  You've also started counting things that you see, like the little batteries that you grab from Dad's desk, or your building blocks or other things you can get your hands on. Your dad has started teaching you how to count in Chinese, but I don't know how far you two will go with that.  I do hope that you will learn it someday because your daddy really wants you to learn Chinese.

You are getting better with your swimming and you can now kick your legs and swim on your own with the help of a floater.  But we still can't figure out why you can't make a balloon face.  You don't close your mouth when you are underwater and so you end up drinking a fair amount of chlorinated liquid.  But I am not giving up on you, my dear.  As long as you enjoy going to swim class, I'll take you there week after week.  You just tell me when you are not having fun anymore, ok?

You like being outdoors and now that winter is over, playing in the yard is something you look forward to everyday. When you're not in a good mood and we tell you "go outside?", you'd lighten up right away and let us take you out.  On weekends, you like hanging out with your dad as he does his yard work. I think you will love nature and the outdoors when you grow up.  I don't think you're going to be into sports, but you can now recognize what the different games are--basketball, baseball, volleyball, soccer and football.

We are not making a lot of progress with your potty training because you don't like it, but I think it's still early so I'm not so worried about that.  But you need to be potty-trained before you go to preschool.  Speaking of preschool, we have started looking at schools that you can go to because you are eligible to go to preschool starting this Fall. There are several schools in our area but choosing one that's best for you is more difficult than I expected.  Your dad and I wish we can take you to a school in the city that has great reviews and a really good Chinese program, but it's going to cost us an arm and a leg, so I'm not sure we can make that happen.  Know though that your dad and I are going to try all we can to give you only the best in terms of education.  And keep in mind that good education doesn't always mean a good school.

One thing I worry about is the amount of time you spend watching TV. You watch TV with your Grandma Nana everyday for who knows how long.  You are addicted to Mickey Mouse Clubhouse and to make you happy, your dad even recorded some of those shows.  In the past, you don't put a lot of attention on TV but that has started to change recently.  I have to admit that we are partly to blame for this.  Sometimes, we offer TV to you so we can do other things while you watch TV.  I know this is not good and we'll do better going forward.

I did notice that what you like most about these shows is the music, the singing and the dancing and you very well remember the music. I love music too--so much that I was worried you'll end up tone-deaf like your dad, but I don't think you are.  You play "name that tune" with me where I hum or whistle the tune and you'd tell me what song it is.  It's pretty impressive, by the way!  Your dad was amazed when you started guessing the songs right.

Your eating has improved.  You like hotdog and lumpia, so we always have those on stock.  But you seem to eat anything I serve these days so I'd like to think you like my cooking.  I hope someday you'll appreciate that I cook our meals.  Not all moms cook, you know--especially working moms.  I want you to know that no matter how tired I am from work, I will make an effort to cook for you because I prefer to know what goes into the food you eat.

My dear boy, you have become a hard-headed one and many times you don't listen to me and Dad.  You do things that we tell you not to do and sometimes I feel that you deliberately try and provoke us.  In the early morning, you look for me or Dad and when Grandma Nana comes to see you, you shoo her away. You scream, you hit or throw things when we don't let you or give you what you want. And when we sit you down to talk to you and make you understand that what you did is wrong, you change the subject!  How on earth did you learn to do that at such a tender age?

Despite your early display of some unpleasant attitude, you never fail to make us laugh.  You are funny in your own little ways, and of course you don't know it.  What I enjoy the most is seeing you dance and imitating your dad's actions.  You really are a mini-version of him!  Your dad and I enjoy watching you sleep.  And although we made you sleep in your own room, somehow we are happy when we have guests so there is reason for you to sleep next to us.  When you are sleeping next to us, your dad and I look like crazy dogs who just can't stop smelling you!

Dear Lucas, you achieved two great milestones on your 21st month:

First, you now sleep at night without the "binky".  For the past 20 or so months, you have been dependent on it.  Imagine my relief when you finally slept without it!  It's been more than a week now and you've been fine.  Son, you just gave me a reason to give myself a pat in the back.  Thank you!

Second, you now drink from the cup all on your own.  We still keep an eye on you to make sure you don't spill liquid on the floor.  One time, you made your dad mad when you intentionally poured milk onto your feet, and you waited until he looked at you because you were just being silly.  It's not so much the mess that we're worried about--it's making sure you don't slip by stepping on wet floor.  Nevertheless, we are so proud of you for this achievement.

Lucas, I look at you now and I still can't believe how fast you've grown.  I am still insecure about the fact that I am not taking care of you myself, that I go to work everyday and leave you in the care of someone else.  It makes me sad sometimes but I overcome it by browsing through your old photos, reading my old letters and Facebook posts, and reminiscing our times together.  For every photo I see, I remember what took place that day and then I say to myself,  "I really didn't miss that much!"

So when you come up to me and wrap your little arms tightly around my neck, and you rest your head on my shoulders, or when you hand me that flower and say "I love you, Mama!"--I am reminded of the greatest privilege that I have ever been granted in this lifetime--being your mother.  And you have no idea how happy that makes me!

I love you, Lucas!  And thank you for giving us so much joy!

Mommy

Goodbye Binky

We have been thinking about weaning Lucas off the pacifier or his "binky".  We wanted to start doing it earlier, but we couldn't figure out an effective way to do it.  We've tried just hiding it from him or telling him he's big enough to be using a binky.  Nothing worked.  He would just cry all night until we'd give it back to him.

Last week, we had a guest--friend of Charles and Lucas' godfather, Walter.  He is here for business and staying with us for a few days.  So we had Lucas sleep with us in our bedroom so we'd have an extra room for our guest.  While putting Lucas to sleep, Lucas asked about Mamu and Papi and I told him they went to see Cousin Zach (my 2-week old nephew).  Then I went on to say that Cousin Zach is a little baby and needs a binky but doesn't have one.  And since he is now a big boy, it's time we should give the binky to Cousin Zach.  Right away, Lucas took the binky from his mouth and handed it to me.  I told him what a good cousin he is for sharing his binky and that Cousin Zach will be very happy.

It took Lucas a while to sleep that night--he just kept blinking his eyes and staring at the ceiling as if thinking long and hard about his decision.  He tried asking for the binky twice before finally closing his eyes to sleep without it. You can imagine my relief when he finally fell asleep.  I really didn't expect him to do that well the first time without a binky.  I thought he would ask for it and cry until I'd give it back to him.  But he didn't.  He really knew what he was doing and I think he's ready to get rid of his binky and give it to somebody who needs it more--like his little cousin.

It's been four nights now and Lucas has been sleeping through the night without his binky.  He would still ask for it during the day and I didn't want to give it to him because he'd know the binky is still there.  But I gave up and gave the binky back to him when earlier today he refused to nap without it.

Guess we just have to take it slow for now.  The trick seems to be working at night, but not so much during the day.  I'm sure we'll get there eventually. 

Meanwhile, we do have Cousin Zach to thank!

21 Today

My dearest Lucas,

Today, you turned 21 months old.  Only three more months and you'll be two years old.  Wow, that was really fast!  I haven't even lost all my "baby weight" yet (the weight I gained when I had you), and now you'll be two.  That makes me feel really bad.

But hey, what more can I ask for when I have been blessed with an adorable, happy, healthy and smart little boy?  Aside from your size, which really doesn't matter a ton to me, you have become everything that I have hoped for in a baby--thus far.

You've been more active than ever--always jumping, climbing, running around, rolling on the floor, you name it.  And that is why even if you've been eating well this past month and drinking more milk than you used to, you're still skinny.  You are getting taller though, month after month.  You are now 33.5 inches tall.  You're not a tall baby but your pedia says your growth has been consistent.  That's good enough for me.

What I am most happy about is how much you've learned this past month.  You've been so easy to teach because you like following what we say and do.  And when you learn something new you keep repeating it and that's how you remember.  You now recognize shapes and colors.  It started with just your toys--your colorful shape sorters, where you put the pieces through their matching holes.  Shortly after, you started naming each shape, and then you started identifying the colors.  Now, you can even associate shapes and colors in things you see in the house--little rubber balls, square boxes, plates, pictures in your books, your other toys and the changing colors of the night-light in your room.

You now also read the alphabet.  When I first started teaching you the alphabet, I flashed your alphabet cards in order.  As soon as you started identifying most of the letters, I scrambled the cards and still you were able to identify them correctly. Maybe this is typical of a 20 month old, but I have to admit--I was very impressed at how fast you picked it up.  Now you can also say the words represented by the letters in each card.

Your verbal communication is getting clearer and clearer and now you can construct sentences on your own.  They're not well-constructed sentences--really more like phrases, but we can definitely understand you.  You say things like "wala pa abot Papa", "drink milk Lucas", "sakit tummy Lucas", "Mama work Minnesota", "miss Papa Mama", "I love Papi, I love Mamu", and many others.  Boy, you talk a lot!  Sometimes I tell you to be quiet because your talking is non-stop.  Sometimes you even talk in your sleep!

Little one, you entertain us a lot.  You love to dance to pretty much any music you hear--even TV commercials.  Your favorite is the iPad commercial--you'd stop whatever you do, you'd even stop crying and dance to it when it shows on TV.  You like imitating what we do.  You imitate and make fun of your cousin Nathan and how he speaks, but you adore him.  You like to walk like Papa and pace back and forth while talking on the phone.  You never fail to make us smile or laugh, especially when you are in a good mood.  You see me on the computer a lot and so you like using the computer too.  You now know how to use my Mac's remote to view slideshows of your photos.  You love looking at our photos, even if you've seen them so many times.

You are so good with remembering people's names.  I bet you're better at this than me.  People like the fact that you call them whatever they want you to call them, just as you call Tita Lotlot "Tita Lolot Gwapa".  You also call yourself "Lucas Gwapo".  Papi (Lolo) gave you a nickname "Utitud" (black ant) because you are small but fast.  You know that Mommy is "taga-Bohol", Papa is "taga-Cebu" and Lucas is "taga-San Rafael". I love the way you say "Bohol".  You say it so perfectly with a very audible "h".

But like many other kids your age, you are starting to show an attitude--a bad one, unfortunately.  You have some serious tantrums.  You scream and wail and roll on the floor crying when you don't get what you want.  You even hit or kick us when you are really upset.  Your dad and I have spanked and punished you several times.  We hate doing that, but we want you to know that hitting is never ok.

You do not want to be interrupted when you're playing so you'd scream and wiggle your way out of Grandma Nena's arms because you don't want her changing your diapers.  You've become very clingy, especially to me.  When I am around, you'd shoo your Grandma Nena away.  Again, that is not ok.  You have to keep in mind, my son, that Grandma Nena is a big part of your life now--whether you like it or not.  She takes very good care of you while mom and dad are away at work.  When you're older, I want you to be grateful to her because she cares so much about you, she treats you as her own grandchild.

Despite all these, I feel good about you, dear Lucas because I think you understand.  You understand punishment and even when you're still crying because I just scolded you, you'd be running with your open arms and you'd hug me or my leg so tight the moment you start seeing me calm down.  It's as if you already knew that mommy will never be mad at you.

Lucas, anak, we want you to be a good person when you grow up.  So I hope you will soon understand why we won't tolerate your wrongdoings and why we won't let you have everything that you want.  But you can rest assured that whatever you need, we will do our very best to provide--food, home, clothing, healthy and safe environment, education, values and most of all love.

We love you more than we can ever show you.

Tight hugs,
Mommy

Eating Again

For several months now, I've been worried about Lucas not eating enough food--hence, missing some nutrients.  He seems healthy because he hardly gets sick. But he is skinny and I wanted him to at least have a little bit of fat.  I like chunky babies.

What worried me more is that he not only eats very little but he also doesn't drink enough milk. He used to chug milk when I was still breastfeeding him, but when I couldn't breastfeed him anymore, I couldn't get him to like any formula. I've been supplementing his dairy intake with yogurt, which he likes.

But when I started him with solids, I thought my problem was over.  He was eating like a pig!  He would eat pretty much anything I gave him, and he wouldn't stop eating until I stopped feeding him.  But then he started getting picky...then pickier until it became quite a challenge to feed him.  He was eating very little and drinking very little milk.  I had to just stop worrying and accept that maybe that was all he could take and that maybe he is meant to be small.

Lately though, to my big surprise, he started eating a lot again.  And drinking milk!  He eats adult food now--rice, chicken, pork, fish, shrimp and some vegetables. He likes seafood more than chicken and red meat. He likes soup. He often has fruit for dessert and in addition to that eats a whole cup of yogurt after every meal.

And did I say he drinks milk now? We give him formula in the morning and whole milk the rest of the day. He drinks milk four times a day, a total of at least 20 ounces each day.  He used to only drink 10-12 ounces. He also drinks a lot of water and some juice during his meals. As a result, he gained about 2 pounds in a week. That just made me a happy camper!

I don't know what changed or what motivated him to eat more. I don't know if it started when we left him at my sister's and he saw how much his cousin eats and how much Nathan chugs milk. Or maybe I'm cooking better food? Or maybe the vitamins he's taking has finally taken into effect and improved his appetite?  I wish I knew. 

Whatever it is, I hope it keeps Lucas eating this way.  I am certainly enjoying this because I don't know how long this will last.  I do hope this will last and that he continues to eat this way as long as he needs to.

The Bond

We haven't been home this past three weekends, so in every one of those weekends Lucas would be sleeping next to us.  He has to when we are in someone else's house.  I somehow got used to it, so last night I wanted him to sleep next to me.

He just lay there for a little while, me thinking he would be dozing off shortly.  But he couldn't sleep and shortly thereafter, he got up and said "sleep crib!" while pointing to his crib.  "Are you sure?" I asked, but he kept asking me to move him back to his crib.

I have to admit--I was a little broken-hearted.  How can he not want to sleep next to me anymore?  He used to like it.  I used to tuck him in next to me, in the bed, and just move him to his crib when he was already asleep because he didn't like sleeping there by himself.  Now he's gotten used to it and would rather be there than next to his mom.

My little boy is growing up so fast.  I hope there will not come a time when he won't want me or his dad in his room anymore.  When he would rather be with his friends than with us.  When he would rather go out than join us for a quiet dinner.  When he would have too many activities that he can no longer come with us to church on Sundays.

There are things I cannot stop, like a child getting old and gaining his independence.  But there are things I think I can do to keep us close and hold that bond that will keep him coming back to me no matter how far apart life takes us.  And this, to me, is the greatest challenge of motherhood.

20 Amazing Months

Lucas is without a doubt one of the smallest 20-month old there is.  He is probably in the 5th percentile in terms of weight and around the 25th percentile in terms of height.  This worried me before and it still worries me now.  Not that I worry about his health, because he is healthy.  He is very active and is hardly ever sick.  I worry that he's small and that he might be bullied in school because of his size by those big, tall American boys.  Ok--maybe I'm over-imagining things, but it could happen!  It happened in my school.  The little ones were bullied by the big ones.  Luckily, I was one of the taller girls in class.  But still, I got bullied for being too skinny.

He may not have gained much in size in the last 20 months, but he certainly gained some wits.  He started speaking early. He loves books and flash cards and anything that has colors and pictures on it.  He is very analytical.  He observes what people do and learns what things are used for--like nailcutters are for clipping nails and that little thingy that we use to clean our ears--he puts it in his ear too.  We got rid of his bottle early because he wants to use the cup or the glass like we do.

When he learns something new he keeps repeating them, that's why he remembers easily.  He remembers people's names and recognizes them when he sees their photos. He is quick to follow actions, such as running like the Giants, walking like Papa, babbling like Cousin Nathan.  He started understanding things early and responded to 2-step commands.  Like we would ask him to "go pick that thing up and give it to Mama" and he would do it.  He is a quick learner.  We teach him one thing and he learns it right away--give it the same day for easy ones and maybe a couple to a few days for the hard ones.  He can now read almost all the letters in the alphabet, sometimes missing only 3 or 4 letters.

His progress in the last 20 months has been amazing.  I still wish he would eat more and drink more milk, but I can't complain about how he has developed.  He makes me very proud (guess I'm just stating the obvious) ;-)!

I hope he grows up a bright boy.  He might not get bullied afterall.  Because he may be the smallest in class, but if he is one of the smartest, then that might just be enough to make him bully-proof!

Mommy's Promise

Dearest Lucas,

I am so sorry, Anak, if I am always away.  It breaks my heart to see you wave goodbye and throw flying kisses at me every morning when I leave for work. It breaks my heart even more when I have to travel and leave you for days. I feel so much guilt and sadness because I never would have wanted to leave you.  But at this time, quitting my job and taking care of you myself does not seem to be a good choice either.

You see, my boy, God blessed mommy and daddy with careers--great careers that we are able to have roofs over our heads, food on the table, cars to help us get around, an opportunity to live in such a beautiful town, and most of all a means to get a wonderful Nana to help take care of you.  We should be grateful for all these, and most of all we should be grateful that we are all healthy and we are together.  There are a lot of families out there who do not see each other for months or even years.  I can't imagine how it must be.  I already struggle to be away from you for a couple of days.  I don't think I can handle us being apart.

But here's one thing I can promise you, my boy--nothing will ever be as important to mommy than you!  Wherever I am and whatever I'm doing, I will run to your side when you need me.  You may have to give me some time, but I will be there.  Your dad and I will take turns watching you, playing with you, teaching you lessons, reading to you, praying with you and putting you to bed.  We will have a balanced life and you will always have at least one of us on your side.  Please be patient with us, my boy and always be fond of us as we are so fond of you.

I promise to love you always, and I mean ALWAYS!  I'm sure your daddy loves you too--more than anything in his world, more than me.  Please remember that, my son.

Hugs and kisses,
Mama

19 Months

Dearest Lucas,

When you were 18 months old, you were already talking like kids who are over 2 years old.  I learned that because you talk better than those other kids in your swim class who are much, much older than you.  I couldn't believe it when I asked their moms at the changing room how old their kids were.  They were bigger--yes. But they could hardly express what they wanted.  You could.  And I couldn't help but be very proud.

Your pedia was amazed at how much you've learned at your tender age.  She was amazed that you can identify and say your body parts. She kept pointing to her ears because she loved how you pronounced "ears" as "errs".  You sound funny, but it doesn't matter how you sound because you're talking, and that's what matters to me.

Now, at 19 months, your progress has been so amazing--especially with your verbal communication.  You are talking more and more. And your words are clearer. We are very careful now about what we say because you catch everything and you remember them.  One time you were in the room with us while your dad was changing.  I was admiring your dad and I told him he's sexy not minding that you were there. Suddenly, you started saying "Sexy Papa!  Sexy Papa!"

You can now say all our names--Papa Charles, Mama Liza (although you say "Lisa"), Grandma Nena, Mamu Dydy (instead of Ludy), Papi Cardo, Tito Mane (instead of Mayel), Tita Lolot, Cousin Than.  You also call Jacob "Cob", his mom "Winnie", cousin Benjamin "Bean", and Tita Jopie "Pie".  You like imitating Cousin Nathan. You also imitate how your dad walks.  You love your toy car and you can identify all its parts!  You can now string three to four words and say them all straight.  One time I was on the phone with you and you said "Hello Mama! Naa na Papa!".  You told me your dad has arrived.  I, on the other line, couldn't help my tears as I was listening to you speak.

Lolong, in no time, I think you're going to start asking me hundreds of questions and I cannot wait for that.  Everyday, one of the things I look forward to is our lesson time. You are learning ABC fast. When you get things right, you clap your hands and when you make a mistake, you let out a silly laugh!  You are such a little wonder and you are making me and your dad so proud!  Keep growing little one and keep learning.  Someday, you will realize that every little thing you learn from your books and from us will be of great use to you and will make school such an exciting place for you.

I love you, little Lolong!  And oh, my favorite part of all--is when I tuck you in and you say "Nite, Mama! Lab Vu, Mama (Love You, Mama)!  This completes my day.

Love,
Mama